Zombie Gnome Eradication
What is a zombie gnome???
First off let us identify the creature that we are here to protect against. Unlike the healthy garden gnome who’s main purpose in life is to keep your garden looking fantastic and keeping it healthy, the Zombie gnome is out to destroy your beautiful landscape, set booby traps for any future plantings, and infect any healthy garden gnomes that they may come across. Be ever on the lookout for such creatures so you can be ready at a moments notice to defend your yard and keep these creatures from multiplying. (and they will at a rate that will put bunnies to shame)
If you see a Zombie gnome you will want to take it out as soon as possible before it’s able to do any damage to your property or god forbid attack a healthy garden gnome thus turning that gnome into a fellow Zombie gnome. In order to successfully send the zombie gnome to it’s final resting place you will want to take a crossbow or well placed stone and aim for the creature’s head. **Note that zombie gnomes have very thick skulls, hence the use of the word “gnomeskull” to indicate a person of low wit.
Weapons: There are several weapons that can be used to take out zombie gnomes, but if you are a golfer consider yourself lucky to have Zombie gnomes in your yard. Unlike the healthy garden gnome which moves with extreme speed, the Zombie gnome moves at a very labored rate, making it a perfect object to test out that new golf swing you have been working on. You may want to only use your irons however when hitting zombie gnomes, because your woods may get permanently damaged and stained.
If you come to believe that one or more of your neighbors have not been paying attention and this has resulted in a Zombie gnome infestation of your neighborhood, you MUST take immediate and drastic action. Make no mistake, at this point your yard and well being are in grave danger. We recommend a barrier or deterrent of some sort, (landmines) a large four legged mammal, (adopt a dog), and you must cut off all communication with your infested neighbors. (do not enable) They clearly have not been doing their gardenly duties which has put you and your beautiful landscape at high risk.
When all else fails and it probably will, your very best option for full eradication is to immediately call B. Gardening. Our highly trained Zombie gnome hunters/garden experts/landscape designers, will expertly take care of the problem. If you are wondering how to prevent a zombie gnome infestation in the first place, you should call B. Gardening Landscape Design and we will design and care for your property in a manner that will keep you and your loved ones safe and secure from the pesky creatures!